Today Kristen Schenkel, GC Research and Training Associate, takes a turn at Coach’s Corner.
Hi Kristen,
You’re so good at sharing your opinion with team members without creating defensiveness. Help us understand how to best give and receive feedback?
Giving and receiving feedback is a skill you can build over time. When we approach it with a growth mindset (meaning you’re open to change), even negative feedback shifts from feeling like a personal attack to being a valuable chance to learn.
Trust plays an important role. When people feel safe with one another, opinions on just about anything are more likely to be well-received. Strong relationships make it easier to give feedback with care and to receive it without defensiveness. That trust doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built through consistency, empathy, and mutual respect.
If you sense that a work or personal relationship needs less hypervigilance and more belief in helpful, positive motivations, here are a few ways to build trust:
- Assume positive intent and test it with curiosity. When defensiveness shows up, pause. Remind yourself that most feedback is usually offered to help, not harm. Instead of reacting right away, choose a response that supports the relationship you want to build. Curiosity can change the tone of the entire conversation.
- If you’re looking to practice asking for others’ opinions, our Feedback Challenge exercise walks you through the process with a helpful script. Once you receive the feedback, choose a constructive, open-minded response.
Trust deepens when feedback doesn’t disappear into a void. After the conversation, follow up to acknowledge what you heard and what you’re working on. This shows you took it seriously and are willing to put in effort to grow. It can be as simple as a quick note that says, “I’ve been thinking about what you shared,” or “I tried a different approach this week.”
Practice being vulnerable. Trust grows with everyday honesty. It can be as simple as asking for help or saying, “I missed that; thanks for pointing it out.” You don’t have to overshare, you just have to be real. Your openness makes it easier for others to speak honestly and reminds people that no one is expected to get right all the time. How we respond to feedback sets the tone for future conversations. Our instinct may be to justify or shut down, but choosing curiosity instead can make all the difference. When someone is willing to offer input, it’s often a sign they care about you, even if the message doesn’t come across perfectly. Try to view it as a gift that takes courage to give and humility to receive, while giving yourself permission to seek clarity when needed. Thanking the person encourages open dialogue in the future.
Effective feedback focuses on specific behavior, explains why it matters, and points forward. Before offering it, ask yourself if it’s timely, useful, and actionable. The goal is to kindly offer perspective someone may not be able to see on their own.
This week, choose one conversation where you’ll either ask for feedback or offer it with clarity and care, and notice what changes when you do.
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